We end up holding this perfect image in our minds of how one day the man of our dreams is going to come and save us from the simple life that we live. That all the messed up shit in our world will somehow completely disappear with just one glance from this man that we never met, and our world will suddenly be everything we imagined it would be. There are hundreds and hundreds of movies that have the same concept; where in the end the girl gets the guy - he chooses her, and everything they face somehow magically works out, because isn't that how we've been told it was supposed to happen?
I was one of those girls, I wasted so many years of my life waiting for Mr. Right. I'm not going to lie, there was once a man in my life that I believed was my so called "Prince". Yeah, I loved him, but I never got the fairytale life I expected - and in the end I didn't get the guy. I was left instead with my heart shredded and everything that made me, me, was gone. I lost myself while trying to be in love. I forgot about who I was - I was so consumed in trying to make my relationship be the way I was programmed for it to be. And the worst thing about it all, was how long it took me to even start to find myself again, and how now that I have I want to be in love. I want someone to love me, all of me, the exact way I am... flaws and all.
I think I am a good enough person; I think I am worthy of love. But then again in this situation it doesn't matter what i think, or feel really. I am still waiting for that guy to open his eyes and see that I am the best thing in his life, and he needs me to be with him or his world just wouldn't make sense. I wish on every star that my prayers for this will be answered - that I can find the man that makes my life just as good as the ones in every Disney story. I want to know what it feels like to be a part of something amazing and magical. I want my life to be better then my dreams. I want this empty void that I have to be filled.
I've been alone for over 2 years now, and I still haven't given up on me childhood story - that my "prince" is just out there waiting to sweep me off my feet. But I'm not going to lie, every day it gets harder and harder to hold on to the dream. I just want to give up so badly sometimes - it is so heartbreaking to feel unwanted... unloved, and there is nothing that I can do about it. I am ready to be loved, and I have been patient, but I still have to wait. It's in times like this where Jiminy Cricket's song "When You Wish Upon A Star" pops in my head and plays on repeat, and scratches my dreams. It's hard to hold on to some idea that you have, when there is nothing really to prove it?
Then when I think my life is at its worst, and I am feeling really down, a man comes into the picture. He seems perfect... and being the hopeless romantic that I am, I confuse what it is and I start to get feelings. I guess I changed the rules on him - went faster then he wanted, or tired to push him too soon... I'm honestly not really sure what happened. I just know that I am back at the beginning; right back to... waiting - dreaming - wishing - and hoping. I just have to stay strong. I don't believe I am destined to be alone... So I just have to wait.
"Some day my prince will come
Some day I'll find my love
And how thrilling that moment will be
When the prince of my dreams comes to me..."
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