He Always Takes The Good Ones...

My family moved to the Annapolis, MD area almost 10 years ago. It was the second move since my dad was given custody of my sisters and I, and we moved into a quiet waterfront community right off of the Chesapeake Bay. Since I didn't have any friends in the area; I spent my time hanging out with my sisters and walking our dog down to the beach. It was on one of those walks where I met Ajay. He lived in the neighborhood too and was in the same grade as I was. Ajay and I hit it off really well quickly, and it was through Ajay that I met my other future best friends Brian and Kenny. Since Ajay already accepted me in the group neither of the other two really had a problem taking me in under their wing, and I ended up hanging out with the three of them everyday, and we all became very close.

Over time our group changed some and Kenny and I grew much closer. Not only were we spending time together in school, but we were spending all our time out of school together too. I honestly started to get a major crush on him; he was so funny, and when I was around him I couldn't help but smile. At this time in my life I was very self-conscious because I was always the "fat kid" in school; so even though I was pretty much in love with Kenny I never told him. I just sat on the sidelines and watched him date girls that weren't right for him.

After we all graduated High School I met Rocky and moved out of my neighborhood and into an apartment with him. The apartment was about 30 minutes away from my old neighborhood, and being as I was the only one out of them that had a car, I didn't really see them all to much. The only one I really kept in touch with was Kenny, and after a while Kenny started hanging at our apartment with us all the time. I would pick Kenny up and he would stay with us for weekends here and there. Rocky really didn't mind that much because out of all of my friends Kenny and him had the most in common; they would talk about fishing and hunting all day long, and never run out of things to say.

On the surface Kenny seemed like he was a happy person, but the people that knew him, knew that deep down he was very troubled. He had many issues that I couldn't help him with, and unfortunately he turned to hardcore drugs as a way of cooping with his pain. I honestly believe that it was because of his drug addictions that Rocky also didn't mind him always being at our place. When he was with us he was clean; so I tried to keep him at my place as much as possible.

I remember one night in particular; I had a about 7 friends stay the night and party at the apartment. Kenny was always the first one to pass out when everyone would drink and around 5 am everyone else would join him. I on the other hand can usually never sleep when I have people over (thanks a lot anxiety), and about the time everyone fell asleep Kenny woke up. So that morning it was just the two of us. He sat there and we talked about all kinds of things. Then he looked at me and told me that Rocky was a lucky guy. That he wished he could meet a girl like me. It was then that I told him how I had a crush on him since I basically became friends with him. I told him that I would have dated him in a heartbeat and that if I was ever going to cheat on Rocky (which is something I would normally never do) it would be with him. I told him that I loved him and that he means the world to me. And to that he just looked at me and gave his smile that could always make me melt and said that I should have said something earlier. He gave me a hug and then told me that he could tell Rocky loved me and that we had something special, and that he was happy for the both of us.

Three years ago today I received a call from my friend Trisha. She was in tears and hysterical. As soon as I answered I could feel something was wrong. So I asked her, and she told me that she just heard that Kenny was found in his bed that morning dead. I couldn't believe what she was telling me. I had just seen him a few days before and she had to be lying. I was in complete shock. She told me that he died from a heroin overdose, and there was nothing anyone could do by the time they found him. My heart crumbled. I knew that people die young every day, but I never in a million years imagined that it would happen to someone that I knew, and that was so close to me. And the thing that hurt the most was that at the time he was telling me that he was staying clean, that he was going to his N.A. meetings, and that it was helping him.

I didn't understand, and I was so angry with him for leaving us. I still to this day don't know why it happened; why it was that he had to die. He was so young... he was only a month away from his 21st birthday and we had plans to go out and go bar hopping. He had plans with Rocky and I to go camping with us that Summer, to go hunting with Rocky that Fall, he just had so much in life that he still had to do; but now he was gone. After he passed I had to unfortunately cut down on my friends. The guys that I hung out with were still doing drugs, and I honestly couldn't live through losing another person so close to me over something as stupid as drugs. I wish there was more that I could have done for him while he was alive to help him with his pain, but at least I know that the last thing I said to him was that I loved him. And now looking back it is surprising how much a memory is built off of things that went unnoticed at the time. I miss him every single day, and I have never and will never stop loving him.

Rest in Peace Kenny Potter

August 7th 1986 - July 2nd 2007

"There's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered but legends never die." - The Sandlot

My Soulmate....

Tasha has pretty much held the place as my official "Besterest Friend" for the past 12 years. She is the first person I turn to when my world is crumbling and also the first one I want to talk to when something good is happening. Her and I met over math homework when I was in the 6th grade. My mom asked her to try and help me with my fractions, but all she ended up doing was sitting next to me, staring at my homework then looking at me, and asking if I would rather go outside and play. It was the beginning of what I consider the best friendship I will ever have.

When my parents split up she was there for me. She listened to me when I needed someone to talk to and she lent me a shoulder to cry on whenever I needed it, and she always knows just what to do to make me smile and laugh. When Rocky and I broke up she offered me a place to get away. So I packed up my bag and drove 7 hours to spend the hardest time of my life with her. My dad told me I was being irresponsible for taking the trip since at the time I didn't have 10 dollars to my name. but what he didn't understand is that I needed her. I was in such a bad place after Rocky broke my heart that I honestly didn't know if I could survive, and I needed her to ease some of my pain. I needed to see her face and have her hug me so that I knew everything was going to be okay and that I could make it out alive.

I moved away from her after only knowing her for 2 years, and from experience alone I figured she would be like all my other best friends that would write for a bit then basically drop off the face of the Earth, But Tasha was different; she put just as much effort into the friendship as I did, and what came out of it was hundreds of thousands of phone conversations, a ton of letters, and multiple trips to see eachother. It seemed like the distance brought us closer some how. To this day I consider her to be my best friend, my sister, my soulmate, and I wouldn't know how to survive without her!

"Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you will find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding. But there's also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who's been standing beside you all along." - Bride Wars